Sunday, April 11, 2010

April 10, 2010--
Today was amazing! :)
I was able to spend 7 hours with Luis!! I mean, my mom wasn't too happy about it. But I don't care. It's worth the consequences! :) I hope to spend more time with him again soon. I wish I took pictures :( He looked so great trying to look like the Jabbawockeez. ;)

April 11, 2010--
7 Months!! ♥ And on to forever! :)

Friday, April 9, 2010

Happy Birthday Luis! ♥

Today's my baby's birthday! ♥
And I don't get to spend it with him.. :(
I will try my hardest tomorrow. I hate my parents. They never understand..
I hope Luis has a lot of fun though. He deserves it.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Luis's birthday's coming up! What do I do? I want it to be great. He deserves the best. He says all he wants if for me to be there with him. But I don't have the guts to ask my mom. I will have to ask her soon.. since it's only TWO days away.. ): I still need to get him a present..

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

So adorable! ♥

Sorry it's been a while. Had a rough day today and I think it'd be best if I expressed it in words than any other way right now..
I feel like everything I do is wrong. I got into a huge fight with Luis and--stupid me--I told my mom about it. It just adds onto her judgmental-self of everything else I've told her. God, I hate having parents who don't get me. I feel so alone in this world, it's ridiculous. The only people I can really turn to are Cj, Luis, and Amy. But they can't always be there for me. I just want to crawl into a corner and make this pain GO AWAY! It hurts too much. The tears just keep coming. I'm depressed again. I want it to all stop. I can't keep myself busy because either way it just comes right back at me.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I want. I'm sick of the "unknown." I want life to be simple and peaceful. But that can never happen. No, because God decided that since Adam and Eve screwed him over--he should just screw up with the rest of their generation. No matter how much the citizens of the world want to believe that we all live under equal laws, we don't. We'll never be equal, we'll always hate, and there will always be war.
See? Now I'm talking random crap. Thanks a lot to the people who piss me off!

Ugh. I need a job..
Any ideas?

Great. So much stress--homework. Not enough time. Please, just shoot me. It'd be so much easier. At least I'm not crying anymore. Phew, now all that's over and done with.. I wonder what I'm going to do about my life. I need to fix it--Pronto. Or I'll just end up screwing up everyone else's lives that are somewhat attached to mine. (I guess you'd say that.)
First, apologies to my mother. Ugh. I feel terrible now. But I'm in so much stress. I hope she'll understand. Wish me luck.


We worked things out. The only problem for me is that we didn't entirely talk it out. Which sucks. We really do need to talk lots of things out. But she's busy on the phone and getting ready for work. So I have to wait.. Again.

Look how cute these are! :)
I'm thinking about asking my mother if I can get them.

I'm gonna go though. I have to pick up my little sister up soon. I'll be back for more random stuff later. Ttfn luvs. :)

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Wow. Who knew that seeing Luis could just turn this depression around. I thought I was too sad to see him. But I instantly feel so much better after seeing him. Everything's so great right now! :) We kept watching Jabbawockeez dances. This is one of his favorites:

But yeah, my Easter was GREAT. :) Because of him. ♥
Hopefully I will make his birthday amazing! :) All we can do is hope, right? ;)
Haha, well I'm gonna go eat PIZZA! :D
So Ttfn! :)

Happy Easter! :)

Good morning all. :)
Easter has arrived. Woo. :)
I didn't do anything, and we're not celebrating. But hopefully Cj and Luis are coming over. I think Luis might be avoiding me... I don't know. I don't even want to think about it. So I won't.. I'm just gonna finish cleaning my room.
I'll be back later.

So I guess Luis is coming over. My room isn't completely clean. Oh well, I don't really care right now.
Cj and Tre came over before they went to Tre's family brunch. They're great. :)
UGGHH. I don't feel good at all. Like my whole body is just so tense.. and nothing can make me happy. Maybe Cj's depression had rubbed all on me. Great..
I should go. Luis will be here soon and I don't want him reading any of this. Well not now anyways. Ttfn.

Saturday, April 3, 2010


That my parents go to Wendover so Luis can come over tomorrow. I want to spend some time with him. I haven't really even heard from him much this spring break at all. But I'm probably going to bed soon. Just wanted to write this down. No reason. XDD

Just Another Day.

This morning I had woken up early and had a great breakfast. Steak, eggs, hash browns, orange juice--it was great. Up until my mom asked me to wash the kitchen walls. She kept yelling at me. And making stupid jokes to my dad about how lame I was and how he should take me out of the house. She doesn't even know how hurtful her words can be. I still haven't told her that I think I'm depressed much more often than I should be. I don't want to tell anybody right now. I just want to write this all down. I wish people would just understand me. I feel like no one does right now. I seriously mean no one..

Cj has finally decided to let go of his aunt's death. I'm proud of him. Of course, she'll always be there in his heart but he'll live a lot happier life NOT keeping it all in. You know? I'm proud of him, I really am.

Luis's confirmation is today and it sucks that I can't make it. I want to be there for him. But right now.. I feel like he may need some space from me. I don't know what I did, but it seems like he's tired of me. I keep thinking the worst of it. Maybe I should just stop thinking at all. But everything I end up doing reminds me of him. I promised myself that I wouldn't get hurt again--but I fell in love with him. And I trust him to take care of my heart. I just hope that he cares enough to not break it. I know he cares a lot, and I know he wouldn't do anything to purposely hurt me. But sometimes you have those moments when you're so scared.


I pretty much LOVE them! Haha. So glad I went. Even if that one girls head kept getting in the way.

Church at 8:30. And I think it's about 2 hours. I hope Luis calls before that so I can explain. I really don't want him to get upset or hate me..
But I should go. Everyone is waking up from their naps. Ta-ta for now! :)

Friday, April 2, 2010

Random Crap Before I Go To Sleep.

Jabbawockeez was pretty great. The only problem was the fact that everyone's heads kept getting in the way. Lame.
Lately, I don't want to say it cuz it kind of breaks my heart--but I feel like Luis is distant from me. I don't know if it's just me, or if he's not even happy anymore. He used to notice every time I was sad, and he always wanted to hold my hand or kiss me. But none of that even happened much. I know I sound like a stupid jealous girlfriend..But he paid more attention to his sister than to me. You have no idea how badly I wanted to cry. But I had to fake every smile. The thing is--I wanted him to notice so I could tell him--So I hinted that I was upset. But he didn't even notice. Whatever. I don't know what to do. I should talk to him, but I don't want to start another fight. I guess I'll figure this all out tomorrow or something.

Goodnight, Luvs.

Friday, April 2nd.

Ugh. I first wake up with a enormous head with my mom streaming at me to wake up. I have an early hair appointment. I guess I'm excited. But she's being an snob about the haircut that I want. I want it short, and she's all, "I don't like it." But she never liked any of my haircuts and they all came out just fine. I don't need a crap haircut. I should get I can just finish getting ready. I'm not going to post this up till I have a friggin picture on this thing. TTFN. Ta-ta for now! :)

I'm back.
And sadly, I cannot post up a new picture at the moment. I lost the adapter for my phones memory card. So I can't put it on the computer just yet. Cross your fingers that I do soon.
Wow, intense day today. My dad can piss me off so much at times. It's crazy. Since today we're fasting, he has a certain time that we can all eat. Breakfast--9, Lunch--12, and Dinner--5:30. But Amy, Michael, and I went to church at 12 so we couldn't eat. So when we got home, we decided to eat. My dad was pissed. So stupid. I wanted to smack him. How were we supposed to eat when we were at church, right? Whatever though.
Woo! I'm going to see the Jabbawockeez today! :D I'm stoked. I actually get to spend my time with Luis this spring break! :)
Okay, I took a quick picture on my webcam and I know I'm wearing a hat--which makes it hard to see. But please, bare with me...
Weird, right? Lol jk. It's alright. Not perfect. Maybe if it grows out a little it'll look a little better. Do you think I proved my mom wrong? Or right? Lol.

Well anyways.. What more is there to talk about? Hm.
"Situations, are irrelevant now,
She loves the way that I tease,
I love the way that she breathes
I touched her (ooh),
She touched my (ahhh),
It was the craziest thing"
Haha, I love this!

I'm kinda nervous. I think Luis forgot about my haircut, so I'm scared he'll have some kind of heart attack from seeing it. Haha. Let's pray he doesn't. :P
Wow--I don't even know anymore. All of my friends have lost their virginity. Am I the only one that's waiting? I mean, I love Luis..and I'm ready. But we're waiting for the perfect time.. Ya know? Lol, oh well.
Ugh! Time goes by too slowly! I want to go see Luis NOW! :( I miss him like crazy! And listening to depressing music doesn't make it help.. I don't want to change the song though, haha. This suckss.

Well I'm gonna go sulk somewhere else for now.
TTFN! Xoxo. :)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Continued April Fool's--

I'm back.
None of my April Fool's jokes worked. Haha. Oh well. Guess I'm going to see the Jabbawockeez tomorrow! Sahweet! ;) I'm excited. And I get to go with Luis. :) Oh, so I saw this adorable video on Youtube. It's a little boy who wants to be a single lady!
Here it is:

I was invited to Luis's First Communion/Confirmation this Saturday--But I doubt my mom will let me go. I'm kinda depressed thinking about her not letting me, and I'm too scared to ask.

Anyways, there's not much to talk about.
I'm gonna go.
Farewell & Goodnight all! ♥

April Fools! ;)

My best friend, Cj, had a very sad loss almost about a year ago. And even though it may seem like a long time away for some people--it feels like just yesterday for him. I have tried my best to be there for him every step of the way.. The only problem is that I have never really experienced the lost of someone who I was dearly close to. I have experienced my cousin's grandfather's death, and yes it was tragic. But I didn't know him so well to be depress about it. So with Cj, it is a whole other story. He's a very understanding and gentle person, he sees the good in everyone, but sometimes loses himself and thinks the worse of himself. He has been there for me, through thick & thin, it's hard to not see him there in my future. Not having him there would most likely devastate me.

I had written a poem dedicated to both Cj and Aunt Deana:

A broken heart one cannot hide,
Where no one can make the pain subside.
Empty and forgotten he turns to depression,
And soon he tells me his confession.
It was one autumn day when his home phone rang.
His Aunt Deana had lost her way.
His falling teardrops plummet to the floor below,
As he sat below his bedroom window.
His sorrow filled my heart with sadness,

And I wanted to end this madness.
He never had his last goodbye,
He wanted an answer, God, please tell him why.
Soon one day he'll understand,
That her tale will never end.

I'll have to show this to him another time. I think he'll be somewhat grateful, but heartbroken. So that's why I haven't had the courage to show him. Anyways, if you read this Cj, I hope you like it. And I want you to know that I love you so very much! :) xoxo.♥

On to another subject--I am home alone and it sucks! It's creepy. I never knew how much I hated it till now. WHEN ARE THEY COMING HOME!? :O

Ready for another picture moment? I should think of an awesome title to call these. :D

Notice the broken string? Haha. My dad was playing the guitar and it SNAPPED. :O
I've been trying to learn to play it, but I probably won't be able to till I go buy a new string.

I love spring! This picture is from my front yard. I love how these flowers just randomly grow by my living room window. It makes our front yard somewhat nice looking ;)
But so far, this spring, it has been SNOWING. What the heck, right? I was looking forward to wearing less warmer clothing--But I guess I'll have to keep it out from storage for a little while longer.

Well anyways, I'm barely getting up. And I need a quick shower. I'll be back for more posting later on in the day. :)
Maybe I'll come up with a cool April Fools joke for later. Let's hope! :D